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Classic Spam: Spam and Wieners

The bottom line: Penis-enalrgement spammers are relying on widspread male insecurity to make a buck. None of these pills, patches, etc. has been shown to work in any competent double-blind study. Any positive effect you may percieve would probably be due to self-deception.

One of the up-and-coming (pardon) categories of spam today is the advertisement for penis enlargement aids. The spammers in this game are doggedly persistent in promoting their pills, pumps, weights, exercises, and other nostra to the gullible public. (Stop that snickering, ladies, the spammers have got your number as well.) I began to get these some years ago, and they’ve become more frequent and more inisistent as time has gone by. Recently, these ads have turned ugly, actively humiliating the reader and playing to the secret fears of 90% of red-blooded males that they may be insufficient “down under” (see the highlight).

From: "Sidney Rudolph" <hidden>
My 8-year-old brother has one like that FDWH
Date: Thu, 19 Sep 2002 20:14:48 -1600
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/html;
Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

<FONT SIZE=3D"4"><B> A man endowed with a 7 - 8" hammer is simply<br>
better equipped than a man with a 5 - 6" hammer. <BR>
<BR>Would you rather have<br>more than enough to get the job done or fall =
very short. It's totally up<br>to you. Our Methods are guaranteed to incre=
ase your size by 1 - 3"<br> <A HREF=3D"
004">Enter here and see how</A>

Spams like this one often refer you to websites, with nice clipart pictures of doctors with clipboards, raving “testimonials,” and rather indistinct before-and-after pictures that were likely gleaned from usenet amateur porn groups.

After receiving a couple hundred of these ads, I started wondering whether any of this stuff might actually work. So, I took a quick browse at http://www.webmd.com/ (searching on “penis enlargement”), and learned the following (I’m not a doctor, I don’t play one on TV, the usual disclaimers apply):

So, there you have it. There are some truly big pricks to be seen in this racket -- they’re the ones doing the mailing.

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Updated: Sat, 18 Aug 2007